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What they have reduced me to.

“If you aren’t going to lose weight, and if you don’t clear your UPSC exams, I will get you married in 6 months. I have someone in mind. And they wouldn’t care if you are fat, because everybody in their home is fat”, said my father last night.

“Lose the weight, or else we would have to find a fat guy for you because no one else will say yes to you”, said my brother last night.

“Control your weight right now, otherwise who would accept you”, said my mother last night.

You can listen to outsiders fat shaming you, you can fight with them, you can tell them that you give zero fucks about their opinion; but what the hell do you do when it’s your own damn family that’s doing the fat shaming.

Oh, I fought with them too. I asked them am I only worthy when I’m thin? Is my weight the only thing worth noticing? My personality, my character, my nature aren’t worth shit to them.

It hurts a lot when you realize that your brothers don’t want you to introduce you to their friends because of your weight. It hurts when your mother says “I’m embarrassed when people come to me and tell me to get your daughter’s weight under control”. It hurts when you realize that there is no single person in your family who supports you despite your weight. Everyone has something to say to you. Everyone is allowed to pass judgement on you and make jokes on you. Call you things like “moti” or “buffalo” or  “bulldozer”. I would show them the middle finger while smiling and tell them that I don’t give a fuck about their opinion. But the truth is, that I do. They are my family, ofcourse I care what they think of me. Ofcourse it hurts me when my feelings mean nothing to them. Yes it hurts. It hurts a lot, okay?

A lot of girls in India go through this. In abroad even if women get fat shamed, they have the privilige to choose their life partner according to them and according to their terms. Most girls in India don’t have that privilige. We get ultimatums that we either change our looks, or get ready to settle for somebody who is ready to overlook your weight just because they can’t get anyone else. And as a women this is so degrading, so humiliating, that our feelings are disregarded so easily, just because our so called parents and family are worried what the society will think.

A woman can never be enough in this cruel world. Either you are too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short, or too dark. Our worth is measured by how pretty we look. Our intelligence, our nature, our smartness, our emotions are just fodder material to them. They are not worth noticing, because a woman is only capable of something if she is pretty according to the standards set by the society.

Doesn’t matter what we think. Doesn’t matter that even if they find someone for us, we don’t want to get married this early in life. We want to do something meaningful in our life. And the only job they deem okay for us to pursue are the one they choose. Even if we want to do something different with our life.

And we can fight with the world and the society till the end of times, but the fight that really matters is when it comes to our family. It’s their opinion that we have to change, because their words are the ones that hurt the most. And how can we expect the world to change, when we can’t change our own damn family. We can fight all we want with our family. Tell them that the world is changing, you change your opinions too. Ask them if this is how they see us? But ultimately, the truth is that it all freaking hurt do much. And no matter how many times they’ve said these things to you, you don’t get used to it. It hurts every. Freaking. Time.

They said a lot of things last night; as they have said before. And needless to say, I cried myself to sleep last night; as I have done before.

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The Worst of Humanity! 

“I know there’s evil in this world, and there always has been. But you don’t need to believe in Satan or demons to explain it. Human beings are perfectly capable of evil all on their own.”

-Tess Gerritsen

Humans have always been their own worst enemy. Look up any evidence of history, and you’ll find that humans are the worst kind of monsters out there. Talat Pasha, Heinrich Himmler, Maximilier Robespierre, Kim II Sung, Emperor Hirohito, Nero, Leopold II, Mao Zedong, Osama Bin Laden, Pol Pot, Vlad Dracula, Adolf Hitler, and Joseph Stalin, are just some of the names that come to mind when thinking about the worst of humanity. All these people were responsible for killing millions of people, individually. When you read about their role in history; disemboweled, impaled, raped, burned, boiled, burned alive, are just some of the words that are used to describe their worst deeds. 

Adolf Hitler was responsible for the deaths of over 50 million people. Maximilier Robespierre guillotioned anyone who didn’t support the French Revolution. Emperor Hirohito ordered every Chinese war prisoner to be killed, forced men to rape their wives and daughters, and forced people into Slavery. Mao Zedong was responsible for the deaths of 70 million people. And Pol Pot ordered an official genocide against his whole country. Just reading about the lengths these people went for their beliefs, or simply to maintain their power can make even the strongest of people sick. 

Time and again, such people have come into power. Time and again we have stood against them, and said “No more”. Time and again we have said we won’t allow anymore dictators to rule us. Time and again we have said we won’t let these kind of tragedies happen again. And time and time again we have been proven wrong. As long as things like race, religion, sex, sexuality, or even the colour of our skin keeps separating us, these type of things will continue to happen. Hate for anything that is different for us have always resulted in catastrophes. As can be seen in what happened in Syria. 

Although compared to Hitler, Mao, Stalin, the Syrian death toll might just be blip in the radar for so many people, for the world; lives were still lost, people suffered, and this is still a humanitarian crisis. Hundreds of thousands of people (including women and children) were killed while so many women were raped and assaulted, and children were burned alive. Innocents slaughtered in cold blood. 

And now, after five years of war, and five years of the Syrian people living in hell, this war comes to an end. The government and the rebels have reached an agreement. People are being evacuated from the epicenter of the Syrian war, Aleppo. The battle for Aleppo was a humanitarian crisis. And although the government has emerged victorious, the victory has been a brutal one. 

The worst part is, while all this has been going on, so many of us have been blissfully unaware of it. Enjoying are lives, while so many people have been fighting for theirs. We are all getting ready to celebrate Christmas, while the people of Aleppo are just glad to be alive. We are celebrating births, while everyday they mourn the loss of their people. And now that this is almost over, we’ll write a few posts about it, post about it on social media and go back to living our lives. Myself included. This is what bother me the most about it. That somehow we have become so accustomed to the violence, that it really doesn’t phases us the way it should. This is the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. The magnitude of violence all around the world today is, quite frankly, baffling. We human beings are capable of some absolutely beautiful things, but at the same time we are also capable of the most horrendous things. And seeing all the hurt, all the suffering, all the deaths, happening before my eyes, breaks my heart. So, while Hitler and Stalin might have been worse, we didn’t witness it. We read about it. We learn about it as history. But what happened in Syria, happened before our eyes. Everyday, so many people just prayed, that they live to see another day, that their loved ones live to see another day. That somehow they escape that hell. And some even asked to be put out of their miseries. How are we supposed to be okay with that? The thing is, we aren’t. We are supposed to be pissed as hell. We are supposed to feel hurt as well, for them. We are supposed to be disgusted by this. We are supposed to be ashamed of this. And we are supposed to feel for them, for all they went through. And we might not have been there with them, but we are supposed to stand with them. So writing about it might just be a way for us to deal with our feelings. To ease our guilty conscience that we weren’t able to help them, even though we were in no position to do so. But even writing about it, talking about it, is a step in the right direction. Because it tells us we are not as unaffected as we thought. Because it tells us that there are still people out there who still believe in humanity. That we are still human. That there might be monsters among us, but monsters don’t always win. That we are willing to fight for all of us, all human beings. That this battle may be over, but we still have a long way to go. That we will not forgive this, and we will not forget this. That humanity may have fallen today, but it will rise again.

#ForAleppo #ForSyria #NeverForget #StandWithThem

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Hate prevailed in the end.! 

I’m not an American, I don’t live in America, I have never even been to America. In fact the American politics don’t even affect me personally. That being said, to hear that Donald trump is choosen President-elect over Hillary Clinton, is absolutely horrifying. I was out with my friends when I found out that Donald Trump won, and my legs gave out on me. And I would have fallen down if not for my friends. I was this close to losing my shit, forgetting that I’m in public and sobbing about how fucking terrifying that was, and I don’t even live in the country. I only managed to control myself because of my friends. They didn’t understand this reaction as they haven’t been following the American politics as closely as I have. Some didn’t even know who Donald Trump was. How do I explain to them that Donald Trump is a “sexist, racist, homophobe, islamaphobe, xenophobe, misognyst, a sexual predotor, and a bully” while also keeping myself in control and not crying over this. He built his entire campaingn on hate and people formed a cult around him. I have got news for all the people who voted for Donald Trump, all those things you accused of people of different colour, of immigrants, of different sexual preferences- you are those things. You accuse them of being violent and ruining your country while you go and do the same thing. Where does your basic human decency go? Are we all not human in the end? What does our nationality, our religion, our gender, out sexuality matter when at the end of the day we are all human? Is this the kind of world we want to live in- filled with hate? Being different doesn’t make a person evil. Just because someone is black, or hispanic, or gay or transgender, or muslim does not make them bad. It’s a person’s thoughts and their character and their deeds, which decide whether a person is good or bad. And you elected a hateful bully to run your country, to make it “great again”!! Guess what, it was already great. It is a shame, that now, history will remember Donald Trump as the 45th President of America, when it should have remembered Hillary Clinton as the 1st woman President of the United States. Because that woman deserved it. And I understand that she is no saint, she has her faults, she has made some questionable judgements, but every-body who voted for Donald Trump are hypocrites for accusing Hillary Clinton of wrongdoing when their favorite candidate is so much worse. For christ sake that man said about his daughter that “if she wasn’t his daughter he’d date her.”  My friends and family asked why I’m so upset by this when it isn’t even our country. Some even said that they sowed the seed, they’ll face the consequences. Let them. But it’s not just about Donald Trump winning and Hillary Clinton loosing. It’s about hate clouding people’s judgement, its about fear that so many of the people are feeling right now. Disappointment is one thing, half the Americans are disappointed now, half would have been disappointed and angry if Hillary Clinton would have won, but those half who are disapointed right now, are also afraid, scared for their safety, so unsure of what the future holds for them. And I understand that I have no right to tell anyone who they should vote for especially when its not even my own country, but when I see posts on different social media about even the most religious woman telling her daughter not to wear her hijab because she is afraid of what will happen to her if she does. About people telling the LGBT community to have hope and to hold on and to not be afraid. About people telling a Black person that if a cop ever stop them they will stand with them because they are afraid of being shot down. When I see that fear, it breaks my heart. I can’t even begin to feel even a fraction of fear of what they must be feeling right now. And I’m so scared for them because he says that he will bring back waterboarding or that he is open to using nuclear weapons in the middle-east and his running mate wants to give more funding to conversion therapy. How can I not feel scared when the President-elect and his running mate talk about torture so casually? I am an human being, and this matters to me. It absolutely breaks my heart. I hope that all that we are afraid of doesn’t happen. I hope to God (and I say this being an atheist) that Donald Trump doesn’t follows through on all that he promised during his campaign. Otherwise I hope everyone who voted for Donald Trump or third-party candidates can sleep at night, have their conscience clear, because you will be responsible for a lot of awful things that will happen to a lot of people, the misery this will bring in a lot of people’s lives. And I hope you can look into your friend’s or family member’s eye who are gay, lesbian, transgender, muslim, black, hispanic, immigrants, and tell them why their safety didn’t matter to you. And all those African-American, the LGBT community, the Hispanic community, the Asian-American community, and a lot of women, please hold on. Have hope. You are not alone. Don’t let fear rule you. You will get through this, and you will be stronger for it. #StrongerTogether #ImAnIndianAndImStillwithHer 

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Feminism and What It’s About.

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Recently a friend of mine commented that feminists are angry and bitter women who hate men and want everything for themselves. There seems to be a very wide misconception about what feminism is really about. Even when a lot of famous celebrities have declared themselves feminists and tried to explain what it really means. When it comes to feminism, Emma Watson is one of my true heroes. Here’s something that she once said that stuck with me: “Feminism has become an unpopular words. Women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Apparently I am among the ranks of women whose expressions are seen as too strong, too aggressive, isolating, anti-men. Unattractive even.” Yes, when we declare ourselves a feminist that is what the world choose to see in us, even though feminism is so much more than this. People need to understand, that being a feminist is not being anti-men. There is nothing wrong with being strong and aggressive in our beliefs. But it’s wrong to think that its not ideal for a women to be strong and aggressive regarding anything. We women are more strong than we are given credit for. That’s what Feminism is all about. Being anything and anyone we want to be, and letting others be what they want to be, regardless of gender, caste, religion, and other social norms that divide the world.

Feminism is not just about fighting for women’s rights. It’s more than that. It’s also about the boys who are not allowed to cry because it’s considered feminine. It’s about the boys who can’t let their emotions show because that’s not manly. It’s about the girls who is only allowed in the kitchen but not allowed to work. It’s about those people who can’t a come out with their sexuality, because the world doesn’t agree with it. It’s about that couple who commits suicide or are killed for falling in love with outside of their caste. It’s about about those women who are treated as shit by men who thinks that women are below them because of their gender. It’s about those people who are considered “other” because the world only believes in two genders. Feminism is not just about a woman. Feminism is not just about their fight for equality. It’s about everyone’s right. Their right to be and feel what they want.

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People say there isn’t any need for feminism. But that’s not true. As Emma Watson said, there will be a need for feminism as long as the world doesn’t accept the fact that gender is a spectrum and not two sets of opposing ideals. There will be a need for feminism as long as women are blamed for getting raped. There will be a need for feminism as long as people are killed for being black. There will be a need for feminism as long as the world doesn’t consider that above all everyone is human first. That’s what should matter. Humanity. Not a person’s color, or their gender or their sexuality.

And if you still don’t get what Feminism is, do us all a favour and check out HeForShe.

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And yes, I’m a Feminist and I don’t hate men.