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Different from Most Girls – Compliment or Insult? 

Too often we hear phrases like “You are different from most girls”, or “You aren’t like most girls”. In real life, but especially in media, whether it is movies or TV shows. While they may say it like it’s a compliment, what it really is is an insult to “most girls”. That’s why Hailee Steinfeld’s new single “Most Girls” matters so much to me. It doesn’t perpetrate to what the rest of the media has been telling us for years. It doesn’t pit women against one another. What it does is encouraging most women and tells us that while we may not be same, we are all best in our own ways.
 It’s true that no two people are the same. We are all different and exceptional in our own right. Every girl is unique in her own way, but to tell a girl that “You are not like other girls” is just another way of pitting women against women. And honestly, I am not here for it. I hate how media has always tried to make women be enemies of one another, whether it is to show two women fighting for one man’s affections in movies or TV Shows or to just publish articles about two actresses “cat-fighting” in the industry. It’s high time that we stop the women-hating game and start encouraging women to support each other.
I hate hearing statement like this when someone is trying to compliment a woman. You wanna compliment her? Try telling her that she’s unique, that she’s smart, that she’s intelligent, that she’s sincere. There are so many different ways to compliment a woman without turning it into a competition between other women. Because you know what? We shouldn’t be trying to women fight with each other, we shouldn’t be telling women that she can be brilliant only if she is better than other women and making it seem like women always have to be each other’s enemies. Women should be able to encourage and support other women and be aware that we always gotta have each other’s back.
Honestly, media should stop being low-key assholes and make women hate on each other in order to be “different/better than most girls”. There is a severe lack of women supporting women story lines and contents in our industry. We should all get with the program and realize that that’s what matters in today’s day and age. Women don’t want to be pitted against other women in order to be validated. And this industry needs to realize that as soon as possible and stop creating content that requires women hating each other, mostly to garner the male character’s affections. And that’s even more degrading because it seems like women have to fight in order to prove the significance and the importance of the male characters. At the end of the day, it seems like even the fighting isn’t about women, it’s about the men. And I hate that women are made out to be mere props in a men’s storyline.
“Most Girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable,
Most Girls, our fight to make every day, No two are the same,
I wanna be like, I wanna be like Most Girls” – Hailee Steinfeld
These words resonate deeply with me because every girl has a different story. We are all fighting our own battles every day. We work hard and we are all different. And we are all “Most Girls”. To undermine all this, undermine the fact that we are different and we all are still fabulous in our own way, just to satisfy a male’s ego deeply unsettles me. We are worth more than a men’s love interest fighting to get their attention. We are women. We are enough. And we are Most Girls.

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Friends? Or More?

If you clicked on this article because you thought it was about friends falling in love or something along those lines, then let me just warn you beforehand: it’s not. This is about friends not falling in love, because the notion that a boy and a girl can’t just be “friends” is ridiculous. And it seriously pisses me off whenever someone says things like ” there is always something else between a boy and a girl who are friends”.

I honestly think that this is complete bullshit. I mean I understand that there is a familiarity between them, and they are comfortable with each other. but have people considered the fact that they might not find each other sexually or romantically attractive. Honestly people, there is such a thing called “Platonic Friendship” that exists.

There is a common belief that the best relationships come from the best of friendships, and I get that. But good god people, there can be times where a friendship between a girl and a guy doesn’t have to mean anything else, and it can be just that: friendship.

I’m a girl, and my best friend is a guy. We love each other but for goodness’ sake we are not IN love with each other. My friends in college often thought that my best friend and I would make a good pair. From the stories that I told about him they somehow concluded that I must be in love with him because that could be the only reason that I would talk about my best friend. He’s my best friend, of course I’m going to talk about him.

Movies (Bollywood and Hollywood alike) and TV Shows can be partially blamed for this thought process in the society. There are often movies and TV Shows made that show one of the best friend falling in love with the other, or both of them falling in love with each other. We very rarely get to see best friends just being best friends, supporting each other, loving each other without it turning into a romantic relationship. Unless the guy best friend is gay, we don’t see best friends of the opposite genders just being platonic best friends.

I want society to accept the fact that friendship between a guy and a girl can exist, that it does exist. Please, for the love of all that is holy stop saying that a guy and a girl can’t just be friends. Because they can be. They absolutely can be. And those friendships? They can be one of the most beautiful things in life.

Let people live. Let people decide on their own whether or not they are “in love” with someone they consider a friend. If they are, good for them and if they aren’t, well good for them too!!

Stop pushing this bullshit about a guy and girl not being friends, because that is utter and absolute garbage.

Platonic friendships between a guy and a girl are one of the best things in this world. Trust me, I would know.

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A Mother Without A Kid

I have always been close with my Maasi. Maybe even more so than my mother. My mother might have been the one to give birth to me, the one who had me in her womb for 9 months, but I have always considered my Maasi as a second mother. And she has always loved me even more than her own flesh and bones kids. She often says that I’m her first daughter. And now I understand things from her perspective.

My sister-cum-best friend gave birth to a baby girl last year, and that little girl has taken over my heart ever since. I don’t have any kids of my own, I’m not a mother. But ever since I have looked into the eyes of my baby girl, every maternal instinct i have ever had, has kicked into over drive. She has me wrapped around her little finger and she isn’t even 1 yet. I don’t know where these maternal instincts came from, but honest to God, if I have to, I will burn this world down for her.

My sister and I have always been thick a thieves. She understood me and believed in my when no one else did. I was quite jealous when she got married, because i have had to share her with other people ever since. I never thought that I will love someone more than her. She’s my weakness and my strength. But now? I will literally throw her under the bus and use her as a shield to protect my baby girl, if that’s what it took.

I hope that I can be a good role model for her. That she can look up to me as a mentor. That maybe we will be as close as my Maasi and I are. That when she grows up, she looks at me as a second mother. Because I may not have given birth to her, but she is just as much my daughter as she is my sister’s.

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10 Things I Hate About My Best Friend

This article is about exactly what it says in the title , i.e.  “10 Things I Hate About My Best Friend”

  1.  He is super calm whenever I’m angry with him. It’s like,  come on asshole,  fight with me.
  2.  He is not as obssesed with TV shows as I am.
  3.  He lives miles and miles away from me,  because of which we don’t get to meet as often as I’d like.
  4. He gives me “space” when we are fighting(or when I’m screaming and yelling at him and he’s listening calmly), even though I don’t want him to give me space. I want you to fight back with me, bitch.
  5. He’s super calm whenever I’m angry with him (see: previous point). Why you gotta be so sensible?  I don’t want to hear you perfectly reasonable logic. Nope.
  6. He NEVER picks up the damn phone when he’s sleeping(He sleeps like the dead). Bitch,  I’m calling you at 3 in the morning,  I might be dying. Pick up the phone,  asshole.
  7. He doesn’t dream. What? How?  Why?  Why don’t you have any dreams when you sleep?  How is this possible?  It really pisses me off to know that he’s sleeping peacefully,  when I can never fall asleep before having 2 hours of crazy,  weird thoughts in my head,  and when I do fall asleep those thoughts just invade my mind again in the forms of a dream.
  8. He makes me laugh  when I cry – stop it,  dude.  Just let me cry out my frustrations every once in a while. You can let me cry sometimes,  okay?
  9. He still won’t watch Supernatural (with or without me), even though I have been literally begging him for years now.  One show – he can’t give me the time of one show?  Some best friend you are.
  10.  Most of all I hate the fact that I actually don’t hate anything about him (annoyed and angry at something,  to the level of actually fantasizing about killing him,  but I don’t hate anything about him).  I actually love him a lot and I’m very lucky to have him as my best friend.

 

P. S.  – I’m still pissed off about you not watching Supernatural.

P. P. S. – Consider this a heartfelt letter to get you to start watching Supernatural.  😜😜 (I said nice things about you – do this for all the nice things I said about you).

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S** in The City!

For a country that invented Kamasutra, we sure are a bunch of prudes when it comes to sex.

I read a story a few days back about a couple who divorced one year after their marriage, because the women was disgusted every time he touched her. We teach our daughters that sex is a disgusting, dirty thing. That it’s something to be ashamed about, but we expect them to give birth to babies as soon as possible after they get married. They do realize that babies exist because of sex, right? And how can they expect us to be suddenly okay with sex after marriage, when our whole life they have taught us to be repulsed by it. 20 something years of hearing that sex is not normal, that its something to be disgusted with, won’t help in the 180° change of us being okay with it after marriage. It most probably will only result in traumatizing a lot of us.

 

 

Forget talking about it, we hesistate to even utter the word “sex”.

 

We need to be more open minded. I’m not saying advertize it every chance you get, but we need to be vocal about it when it matters. Don’t teach girls to be repulsed or afraid of sex. Let them make their own decisions. Introduce sex education in schools, and I mean proper sex education, not the one where the teachers just vaguely hint at it and get it over with. Parents should be open to have the “Birds and Bees” talk with their kids, when they come of age.

We should not tell kids to not have sex, because lets face it, in today’s time, there’s no way some horny teenagers won’t be “knocking boots” somewhere, so to speak. But if we are atleast open with them, and tell them its okay to come talk to us, no matter how embarrassing it is, then atleast we can ensure that they practice safe sex and that there in mutual respect between the partners. Beacuse there is such a thing called the “Internet” that exists and that contains a heap of information that you just can’t be sure about.

We, Indians need to learn that sex is not something to be ashamed about. That consented sex between two adults is completely okay.

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What they have reduced me to.

“If you aren’t going to lose weight, and if you don’t clear your UPSC exams, I will get you married in 6 months. I have someone in mind. And they wouldn’t care if you are fat, because everybody in their home is fat”, said my father last night.

“Lose the weight, or else we would have to find a fat guy for you because no one else will say yes to you”, said my brother last night.

“Control your weight right now, otherwise who would accept you”, said my mother last night.

You can listen to outsiders fat shaming you, you can fight with them, you can tell them that you give zero fucks about their opinion; but what the hell do you do when it’s your own damn family that’s doing the fat shaming.

Oh, I fought with them too. I asked them am I only worthy when I’m thin? Is my weight the only thing worth noticing? My personality, my character, my nature aren’t worth shit to them.

It hurts a lot when you realize that your brothers don’t want you to introduce you to their friends because of your weight. It hurts when your mother says “I’m embarrassed when people come to me and tell me to get your daughter’s weight under control”. It hurts when you realize that there is no single person in your family who supports you despite your weight. Everyone has something to say to you. Everyone is allowed to pass judgement on you and make jokes on you. Call you things like “moti” or “buffalo” or  “bulldozer”. I would show them the middle finger while smiling and tell them that I don’t give a fuck about their opinion. But the truth is, that I do. They are my family, ofcourse I care what they think of me. Ofcourse it hurts me when my feelings mean nothing to them. Yes it hurts. It hurts a lot, okay?

A lot of girls in India go through this. In abroad even if women get fat shamed, they have the privilige to choose their life partner according to them and according to their terms. Most girls in India don’t have that privilige. We get ultimatums that we either change our looks, or get ready to settle for somebody who is ready to overlook your weight just because they can’t get anyone else. And as a women this is so degrading, so humiliating, that our feelings are disregarded so easily, just because our so called parents and family are worried what the society will think.

A woman can never be enough in this cruel world. Either you are too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short, or too dark. Our worth is measured by how pretty we look. Our intelligence, our nature, our smartness, our emotions are just fodder material to them. They are not worth noticing, because a woman is only capable of something if she is pretty according to the standards set by the society.

Doesn’t matter what we think. Doesn’t matter that even if they find someone for us, we don’t want to get married this early in life. We want to do something meaningful in our life. And the only job they deem okay for us to pursue are the one they choose. Even if we want to do something different with our life.

And we can fight with the world and the society till the end of times, but the fight that really matters is when it comes to our family. It’s their opinion that we have to change, because their words are the ones that hurt the most. And how can we expect the world to change, when we can’t change our own damn family. We can fight all we want with our family. Tell them that the world is changing, you change your opinions too. Ask them if this is how they see us? But ultimately, the truth is that it all freaking hurt do much. And no matter how many times they’ve said these things to you, you don’t get used to it. It hurts every. Freaking. Time.

They said a lot of things last night; as they have said before. And needless to say, I cried myself to sleep last night; as I have done before.

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The Worst of Humanity! 

“I know there’s evil in this world, and there always has been. But you don’t need to believe in Satan or demons to explain it. Human beings are perfectly capable of evil all on their own.”

-Tess Gerritsen

Humans have always been their own worst enemy. Look up any evidence of history, and you’ll find that humans are the worst kind of monsters out there. Talat Pasha, Heinrich Himmler, Maximilier Robespierre, Kim II Sung, Emperor Hirohito, Nero, Leopold II, Mao Zedong, Osama Bin Laden, Pol Pot, Vlad Dracula, Adolf Hitler, and Joseph Stalin, are just some of the names that come to mind when thinking about the worst of humanity. All these people were responsible for killing millions of people, individually. When you read about their role in history; disemboweled, impaled, raped, burned, boiled, burned alive, are just some of the words that are used to describe their worst deeds. 

Adolf Hitler was responsible for the deaths of over 50 million people. Maximilier Robespierre guillotioned anyone who didn’t support the French Revolution. Emperor Hirohito ordered every Chinese war prisoner to be killed, forced men to rape their wives and daughters, and forced people into Slavery. Mao Zedong was responsible for the deaths of 70 million people. And Pol Pot ordered an official genocide against his whole country. Just reading about the lengths these people went for their beliefs, or simply to maintain their power can make even the strongest of people sick. 

Time and again, such people have come into power. Time and again we have stood against them, and said “No more”. Time and again we have said we won’t allow anymore dictators to rule us. Time and again we have said we won’t let these kind of tragedies happen again. And time and time again we have been proven wrong. As long as things like race, religion, sex, sexuality, or even the colour of our skin keeps separating us, these type of things will continue to happen. Hate for anything that is different for us have always resulted in catastrophes. As can be seen in what happened in Syria. 

Although compared to Hitler, Mao, Stalin, the Syrian death toll might just be blip in the radar for so many people, for the world; lives were still lost, people suffered, and this is still a humanitarian crisis. Hundreds of thousands of people (including women and children) were killed while so many women were raped and assaulted, and children were burned alive. Innocents slaughtered in cold blood. 

And now, after five years of war, and five years of the Syrian people living in hell, this war comes to an end. The government and the rebels have reached an agreement. People are being evacuated from the epicenter of the Syrian war, Aleppo. The battle for Aleppo was a humanitarian crisis. And although the government has emerged victorious, the victory has been a brutal one. 

The worst part is, while all this has been going on, so many of us have been blissfully unaware of it. Enjoying are lives, while so many people have been fighting for theirs. We are all getting ready to celebrate Christmas, while the people of Aleppo are just glad to be alive. We are celebrating births, while everyday they mourn the loss of their people. And now that this is almost over, we’ll write a few posts about it, post about it on social media and go back to living our lives. Myself included. This is what bother me the most about it. That somehow we have become so accustomed to the violence, that it really doesn’t phases us the way it should. This is the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. The magnitude of violence all around the world today is, quite frankly, baffling. We human beings are capable of some absolutely beautiful things, but at the same time we are also capable of the most horrendous things. And seeing all the hurt, all the suffering, all the deaths, happening before my eyes, breaks my heart. So, while Hitler and Stalin might have been worse, we didn’t witness it. We read about it. We learn about it as history. But what happened in Syria, happened before our eyes. Everyday, so many people just prayed, that they live to see another day, that their loved ones live to see another day. That somehow they escape that hell. And some even asked to be put out of their miseries. How are we supposed to be okay with that? The thing is, we aren’t. We are supposed to be pissed as hell. We are supposed to feel hurt as well, for them. We are supposed to be disgusted by this. We are supposed to be ashamed of this. And we are supposed to feel for them, for all they went through. And we might not have been there with them, but we are supposed to stand with them. So writing about it might just be a way for us to deal with our feelings. To ease our guilty conscience that we weren’t able to help them, even though we were in no position to do so. But even writing about it, talking about it, is a step in the right direction. Because it tells us we are not as unaffected as we thought. Because it tells us that there are still people out there who still believe in humanity. That we are still human. That there might be monsters among us, but monsters don’t always win. That we are willing to fight for all of us, all human beings. That this battle may be over, but we still have a long way to go. That we will not forgive this, and we will not forget this. That humanity may have fallen today, but it will rise again.

#ForAleppo #ForSyria #NeverForget #StandWithThem