“If you aren’t going to lose weight, and if you don’t clear your UPSC exams, I will get you married in 6 months. I have someone in mind. And they wouldn’t care if you are fat, because everybody in their home is fat”, said my father last night.
“Lose the weight, or else we would have to find a fat guy for you because no one else will say yes to you”, said my brother last night.
“Control your weight right now, otherwise who would accept you”, said my mother last night.
You can listen to outsiders fat shaming you, you can fight with them, you can tell them that you give zero fucks about their opinion; but what the hell do you do when it’s your own damn family that’s doing the fat shaming.
Oh, I fought with them too. I asked them am I only worthy when I’m thin? Is my weight the only thing worth noticing? My personality, my character, my nature aren’t worth shit to them.
It hurts a lot when you realize that your brothers don’t want you to introduce you to their friends because of your weight. It hurts when your mother says “I’m embarrassed when people come to me and tell me to get your daughter’s weight under control”. It hurts when you realize that there is no single person in your family who supports you despite your weight. Everyone has something to say to you. Everyone is allowed to pass judgement on you and make jokes on you. Call you things like “moti” or “buffalo” or “bulldozer”. I would show them the middle finger while smiling and tell them that I don’t give a fuck about their opinion. But the truth is, that I do. They are my family, ofcourse I care what they think of me. Ofcourse it hurts me when my feelings mean nothing to them. Yes it hurts. It hurts a lot, okay?
A lot of girls in India go through this. In abroad even if women get fat shamed, they have the privilige to choose their life partner according to them and according to their terms. Most girls in India don’t have that privilige. We get ultimatums that we either change our looks, or get ready to settle for somebody who is ready to overlook your weight just because they can’t get anyone else. And as a women this is so degrading, so humiliating, that our feelings are disregarded so easily, just because our so called parents and family are worried what the society will think.
A woman can never be enough in this cruel world. Either you are too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short, or too dark. Our worth is measured by how pretty we look. Our intelligence, our nature, our smartness, our emotions are just fodder material to them. They are not worth noticing, because a woman is only capable of something if she is pretty according to the standards set by the society.
Doesn’t matter what we think. Doesn’t matter that even if they find someone for us, we don’t want to get married this early in life. We want to do something meaningful in our life. And the only job they deem okay for us to pursue are the one they choose. Even if we want to do something different with our life.
And we can fight with the world and the society till the end of times, but the fight that really matters is when it comes to our family. It’s their opinion that we have to change, because their words are the ones that hurt the most. And how can we expect the world to change, when we can’t change our own damn family. We can fight all we want with our family. Tell them that the world is changing, you change your opinions too. Ask them if this is how they see us? But ultimately, the truth is that it all freaking hurt do much. And no matter how many times they’ve said these things to you, you don’t get used to it. It hurts every. Freaking. Time.
They said a lot of things last night; as they have said before. And needless to say, I cried myself to sleep last night; as I have done before.